Welcome!

If you're reading this, you found one of my H.U.E.s (Harmonizing Ultraspectrum Encoders). I'm Wonder Observation Warden Tang. I'm half of a scouting team evaluating Earth for membership in the Universal Galactic Hegemony (U.G.H.). It's better than it sounds. The alternative is resource extraction, all of them.

Once use of nuclear weapons is detected on a planet, a structured series of scouting missions is performed. In the final phase, a two-member team performs covert evaluation. The lead team member is always an Atraxian that evaluates on behalf of U.G.H. The second team member is selected from U.G.H. member races that are able to blend in with the observed civilization. That's me.

I'm a Chromatic, a race of mostly-human-looking chameleons with high-def skin. My people value art and expression in every form. I need to be near color to survive, the more the better. H.U.E.s are like a nicotine patch of color, fading until the H.U.E. is just a white sticker.

Acting on behalf of U.G.H. is Advanced Xenostrategic Engineer (A.X.E.) nice try (they/them), an Atraxian, a nearly immortal shapeshifter race with a deed-based honor system and a high regard for procedural compliance.

>>A.X.E. NOTE<<

Humans are not worthy of knowing the deeds of my progenitors. My title will suffice.

The burden of proof is on me to show that Earth is ready. The rest of the galaxy is waiting. Your military might and technological level are inconsequential. The true measure of a civilization in accordance with U.G.H. Directives is predicated on treatment of others and artistic expression.

In our Recon Missions, we seek the true voice of the people of Earth, the art of the masses. It tells us more than any probes could. After each mission, I publish a Recon Report detailing my observations in support of Earth's admittance, then A.X.E. adds notes, a counter argument, and their determination. All I have to do is convince A.X.E. to agree once and our mission is complete.

>>A.X.E. NOTE<<

Convincing is not required. Procedural compliance is.

This is a prestigious, but potentially lifelong assignment. We've been here for over 20 years. The Earth I see has only grown in artistic beauty and kindness, fighting through difficult times, but always persevering. A.X.E. doesn't think Humans have met the minimum requirements for U.G.H. membership.

>>A.X.E. NOTE<<

Humans are still in direct violation of numerous U.G.H. prerequisites regarding Civilization Maturity. They are a hazard to themselves and would require an excessive amount of oversight.

I finally found a loophole in the U.G.H. Scouting Directives and I plan to exploit the florg out of it before they make a revision. Recent declassification by your governments of information related to extraterrestrial life allows me to make indirect contact with the observed civilization. My chum A.X.E. reminded me that I'm also constrained by the Planetary Reconnaissance Budget, so I had to get creative.

>>A.X.E. NOTE<<

It is not a loophole if you are following Directives. Per your recommendation, I have submitted a revision request.

On my home planet, several millennia ago it was a very drab time. A societal depression brought about by restriction of expression. A small group of like-minded Chromatics didn't accept the color restrictions. They added colorful art in the drabbest of places and left their symbol. Their following grew through recruitment of Envoys to spread art and their symbol all over the planet. Over decades, they brought about a global enlightenment, toppling the ruling party through art. The name of that team is praised by every Chromatic artist since. The closest Human translation is "Adventure Team".

With the smallest beginning, they brought about world change. I believe Earth is at a similar pivotal moment where a concerted effort can shift the world through the spread of art, culture, and kindness toward your fellow Humans. Any Humans that wish to join the effort may volunteer below as Envoys of Adventure Team.

Envoys will receive Recon Reports automatically and I'll have our Artificial Intelligence, T.O.O.L. (Trainable Optional Optimization Lackey) draft instructions for creating your own H.U.E. replicas.

::T.O.O.L.::

I'll definitely get right on that Tang.

I'll post my Recon Reports as I'm able.

Recon Reports

Recon Report #1340 - Return

//Recon Report 1340 //By: W.O.W. Tang //Loc: dn5bp8 //Desc: Atlanta, GA, USA //MISSION UPDATE I'll admit that I felt a bit...relieved to return to our scouting hub. The recon missions to the American capitol and Houston were less fruitful than I had hoped, but they solidified my decision to seek outside assistance. Atlanta rarely dissapoints in my search for colorful artwork. //ARTISTIC OBSERVATIONS //ID 1340-01 //ID 1340-02 //ID 1340-03 //ID 1340-04 //ID 1340-05 //ID 1340-06

Aug 32 min read

Recon Report #1339 - Difficulties

//Recon Report 1339 //By: W.O.W. Tang //Loc: 9vk1q7b //Desc: Houston, TX, USA //MISSION UPDATE It was more difficult than expected to find non-marketing art in the Houston area. The area found did have some interesting works as shown below. //ARTISTIC OBSERVATIONS //ID 1339-01 //ID 1339-02 //ID 1339-03 This colorful piece helped boost my spirits. Inadequate planning on my part led to limited scouting data. I'll improve my preparatory efforts going forward. >>A.X.E. COUNTER-RE

Jul 191 min read

Recon Report #1338 - Mimicry is Easy

//Recon Report 1338 //By: W.O.W. Tang //Loc: dqcjr68n //Desc: Washington D.C., USA //MISSION UPDATE It felt appropriate that our first posted Recon Report would be from the Capitol of the greatest Human superpower, Washington D.C., not long after its Semiquincentennial. As usual, our true nature is undetected even when interacting directly with Humans. The city felt less celebratory than expected, but all citizens observed were in generally good spirits. //ARTISTIC OBSERVATIO

Jul 162 min read